Every Beginning Has An End and to Every End A New Beginning

We all begin from somewhere. Just like fairy tales, the stories in our lives begin with 'once upon a time'.

I remember the story of a boy who never wanted to grow old thus he lived far, faraway to Neverland. There with the Lost Boys he never grew old, everything was a playground, no doubts, no worries, just fun and the adventure, until the boy met the girl. The world was as never bright, as ever colorful. But the girl, the girl had to leave because she belongs elsewhere, she had to grow old...

I would always wish to remember the story that way; open-ended. I never wanted to know how it ended but yet; did the girl decide to stay and fight for love, did she return home and left the boy? It could be that the girl returned home and aged, with the boy staying young and visiting her from time to time?  Or did the boy decide to grow up and leave everything behind?

Even the best stories can never be the best without their endings, every moment not precious without its boundaries in time.

I am writing this because it is the only place I can completely be honest and allow myself to be vulnerable. It is the one place I can be alone but never lonely.

It is better to have loved and lost, than to have not loved at all..

Once upon a time, there was a story of two indifferent people. This is a story about love, but not your ordinary girl and boy love. It is the dream of a boy who believed in true love, who wanted to find true love just like everyone else. A boy who found true love. But he was a dreamer, and he forgot who he was. And just like a dream, one day your bound to wake up.

... i never believed in happy endings because true love never ends

But what if the ending was never meant to be happy? What if the girl and the boy decide to part ways because they are individuals; does that mean it was never true love? What if it hurts more to be in that relationship knowing that you cannot be someone he wants you to be; does that mean you loved him less? Can it not be because it is the right thing to do, it is what's fair? Can it not be because you can no longer give anything more? Can it not be that you lost yourself in it?

To the world you may just be one person, but to one person you just might be that whole world...

It was beautiful. It had its ups and downs but nevertheless, in any and every way, no less than beautiful. It was beautiful then it still is beautiful from this stand point. Does it hurt? Of course it doesn't! What a silly question to even ask myself. I think something just got into my eyes. Let it be for what it was worth.

To every end, marks the dawn of a new day.

Many things have been said, many things done. Some right, some wrong. To dwell in that wrong is not me, that is not the person I want to be, that is the person I need to leave behind. I have learned the good and have done the bad. For everything in between, I need to forgive myself. For the things I have kept and for the things I failed to say, I will whisper it to the wind and let go of it all. For whatever pain that may linger tomorrow, I will take it one day at a time.

Tomorrow will be very much different, for I have to remind my heart and mind of the reality that I am awake. I fear not whatever stumbling block or hurdles the rest of the days will bring, for they too shall come to pass. There will be sunny days and rainy days, but for both I will always be thankful. I know myself today better than from any yesterday. To be happy with what I have and don’t have is to live each day with contentment and simplicity; it was never complicated, we just made it so.

While I change the clothes in the closet and do some general cleaning, I will hold each item for every memory they present for one last time. And in the next few hours as I listen to tear-jerker and mushy love songs, I will be packing my bags to take on a new journey.

Until the roads cross again, for now… I love you, Goodbye.

An Affair with September

Dear September,


I have never met a month as crazy as you. Was I expecting it? Yes, but not as much as you did this year. We did the silent walk again that only you and I will ever know. You kicked me at my worst and kicked me harder at my best.

I will always be thankful to you. For you bore my two siblings in your cradle. Just the thought of that is like drinking a Mojito; a base of excitement mixed with anxiety and nerve-wreck on what to get them, plus a slight hint of tears to knock you down without being aware until it all suddenly kicks in. I love them both and I couldn't see myself as a better person without them. We may have differences, but those differences made us appreciate each other more. We often misunderstand each other, but that didn't mean we cared less. I have raised my tone many times, kept that tough face, stood on top of my mountain; all against them. Only to later hide and shed tears knowing and believing that I had to do it because I love them that much and that as much as it hurts, I had to. If it broke their hearts, it broke mine ten folds.

I love them that much not to be happy with myself.

Many times I would say 'I love you, bro.' and I mean it the most on their special days. I thank you September for making sure the messages are sent.

September, you showed me what it was being in a relationship with you and with the people around me. I've seen people paving the way for me, I followed and found ease in those paths. They were leaders by their own rights. They gave a different perspective on what is beyond, what tomorrow might be, and what I can do today. They were friends. There were people who stood by my side even when the odds were against me. I saw these people who raised their glasses to success and to failures. A toast to failures, for me to know that I am still human and that I am not alone in my struggles. They too were friends. Then there were those who stayed at my back; those behind me. They did not deserve to be there, but they chose too. They were the best of my friends. They were there to catch me every time I fell, to give a push whenever I slowed down. They were there to watch my back as I kept my focus straight ahead.

I have little friends, but they are in every sense, true friends.

September, this affair has taken the 'love-and-hate relationship' to a different level. You are an extremist in many ways. I was sad and lonely because I had to do it alone, yet you always send someone tumbling down the hill to make me smile and walk with me. I was so tired but am surprised to still be going-on. You gave me reasons to be mad, but then you gave me a reason to be happy; once is more than enough.

I'm on the last leg of our walk. I will see you again after 11 months. Until then, keep our stories in your heart and forget-me-not.

Thank God.


With all my loving and strength,
Happy JP


PS
I have no idea what happened on the 25th.

Chocolate Grades

While I'm at it, I might as well make the most of it.

photo courtesy of Wikipedia

White Chocolate 
At least 20% cocoa butter, 14% milk solids, and 3.5% milk fat. White chocolate is white because it contains no cocoa powder or chocolate liquor/unsweetened chocolate.

Milk Chocolate 
At least 10% chocolate liquor, 12% milk solids and 3.39% milk fat

Sweet Chocolate
Contains a minimum of 15% chocolate liquor and less than 12% milk solids

Bittersweet Chocolate 
Dark chocolate that contains a minimum of 35% chocolate liquor and less than 12% milk solids.

Unsweetened Chocolate 
Chocolate liquor is cooled and molded into blocks that can be used for baking.

Chocolate Liquor 
The ground up center (nib) of the cocoa bean (otherwise known as unsweetened chocolate and is often used in baking) in a smooth, liquid state. It contains no alcohol.

Talk chocolate. Get to know more about the jargon.

Just so you know:

Hazelnut spreads such as Nutella should not be and are not called chocolate spread because they lack the minimum contents of cocoa in their ingredients. It's definitely one great substitute.

Mi Tsokolate Eh

I love chocolates.

Let me kick it off with those three words. Chocolates in many ways are delightful. I have yet to meet a person whose childhood was not filled with yummy and often messy chocolate memories. As we grow, some of us have left those memories for far; say ‘healthier’, food preferences. But as for people like me whose preference have evolved to ‘sweet teeth’, chocolate is definitely in high-demand and the overdrive to get your hands on one is like driving your car at 120kph… you know you’re there but just needs a little more, you know you can taste it but you just can’t feel enough of it.

Are chocolates good for you? 

Cocoa, the main ingredients of chocolates, is known to have physiological effects and is linked to serotonin (most commonly known as happy hormones) levels in the brain. Ahem! I’m healthy and happy at the same time (while having my daily dose of chocolates).  But not all chocolates are made equal. Well since I have to satisfy my sweet teeth, I prefer White Chocolates. 

While I wouldn’t be caught all messed up with chocolates or eating those big bars of chocolate outside home, you’d definitely see me hunting for those hot cups of chocolates. A cup of hot chocolate is definitely a comfort food. The warmth and sweetness of each cup can truly ease those physical and mental tensions. 

Over the years, I have developed my personal recipe for hot chocolate. Why share? There’s more of it to go around and its taste is incomparable to the commercial ones.

1 piece tablea or 3 ounce of semisweet chocolate

1 tablespoon hazelnut spread (Nutella)

1/2 teaspoon vanilla powder

1/2 teaspoon of flour

1/2 cup of milk

3/4 cup of water

Pinch of salt

Some minor cooking is involved in this recipe. Trust me, every sip is worth it. 

Cook the tablea and and flour in the 3/4 cup of water.  Make sure to use low fire.

Transfer the mixture into a cup

Dissolve the vanilla powder together with the hazelnut spread in the mixture

Add the milk

Put a pinch of salt on top

FAQs: 

What’s the flour for? 

Thickening agent, imagine a liquid chocolate cake. Thus me adopting the ‘tsokolate e’ in Noli Me Tangere

What’s the salt for? 

It’s a trick to enhance the sweet taste and create balance in your tongue.

What’s the hazelnut for?

It will give an edgier nut flavor

Where do I get vanilla powder?

There’s a good one in  CBTL. Do not use the liquid form of vanilla from the store as substitute!

Taking my cup of hot chocolate is as special as I don’t want to do anything else except drink my hot cup of chocolate. I am loyal and respectful to every hot cup of chocolate. Nowadays, I write while I drink my cup of hot chocolate. It helps ease the flood of emotions that at times can be overwhelming while having one. 

I find inspiration in every cup of hot chocolate. It’s like drinking life itself; the sweetness and bitterness in every sip, the warmth that fills and fades, the texture in its taste, and the memories until the last drop. I see my life in it. What may seem to be ordinary for some is something special for me. What may be common and naked to the eye, may be essential for me. 

This is a story of how I see my life and myself in it. Just like a cup of hot chocolate, I hope it brings warmth to those who take a sip from it.